Turner Prize exhibition preview :

Pretentious art wank bollox Turner prize opening day review of Turner prize nominations :


"Its a bike rack thing for locking a bike to ? "


"No its not a bike rack.Its actually part of a 3 part installation that was originally in New York that is of tubular steel construction and it is inspired by the minimalist school of sculpture and represents a small part of a larger installation that represents the singularity,shallowness and pointlessness of existence and the hollowness of something that looks solid on the outside but isnt.The deceptiveness of appearances can be deceptive and what the artist is expressing in this piece is how it is possible to use a seemingly mundane everyday object and give it further depth of meaning which to the eye looks quite boring and in fact is quite boring which is why the artist has attached further meaning to it to distract the viewing public from what the object actually is into something completely different and the various thought processes involved that is meant to make the viewer of the sculpture look at and appreciate mundane objects in a different way and to challenge your perceptions and preconceptions of such things and it also shows what a non versatile material tubular stainless steel is ."

"So its actually an exercise in attaching meaning or reading meaning into something when its not there and then passing it off as art ?"


"Yes exactly it is and the more cynical viewer will know instantly that it is a lot of pseudo intellectual pretentious Art Wank that is inherently lazy and stupid "


"Yes whatever ... anyway can i lock my bike to it while reviewing the rest of the exhibits ? "


"No Certainly not !! "

"Theres not enough of these around to lock bikes to in the street but i will never look at a bike rack in the same way ever again ."


"Go on tell me that isnt a teacup !"


"Yes it is a teacup and it is featured and part of a short film that features tea drinking"


"And ? "

"The film is about anticipation and predicting things than will happen before they have happened and in the film we see crockery,china and the such like and in the film the crockery gets pushed further and further over to the edge of the table and eventually falls off the edge of the table and smashes and makes an awful mess."


"Fascinating and thought provoking and it was nailbiting edge of the seat stuff watching the teacups and saucers move across the table towards the edge of the table and fall off and i was almost thinking that the fit bird in the film didnt really want to do that.It could easily not have broken if it hadnt fallen off so half the fun is predicting what might happen not what will happen.I might try it at home later..It wasnt grannies tea service was it ?

I also predict that this boring shite has a one in4 chance of winning.

Careful with that crockery !!


Smashing !!"


"Oh look its Felix the cat going round and round and round !....


and the point is ?? "


"Uhmmm there isnt one.The artist is just fascinated by Felix the Cat and is a big fan.. and if you watch the entire film without becoming rapidly bored you will notice that Felix changes direction from anti -clockwise to clockwise ."


"Gis a job..i could do that !!"


"Well thank fuck thats over for another year !! .....Back to the studio ......"