Wednesday, 8 October 2008
Hello Darling :
Photo : Gordon brown looks on while Alistair Darling outlines the bailout plan and just cannot help thinking how odd white hair and black eyebrows look together and wonders what kind of genetic abnormality causes it to happen .He wont ask because Alistair will ask Gordon what is wrong with his mouth and why does it do that weird thing mid sentence.
Will Alistair Dare ?
"Is 500 billion enough Darling ?"
"Not sure yet really but i am sure that at some point in the future we will find out.Thats usually the way as i cannot predict accurately wether 500 billion will be enough as it is only a short term solution.The plan is to throw lots of money at the banks and see if it sticks.If it doesnt stick then who knows but this is not a time for listening to sound economic sense but rather a time for bold ,adventurous risk taking solutions."
"Who is paying for this ?"
"Taxpayers will pay 16,000 each to bail out the ailing financial institutions and it is a huge risk but if it is not effective then it doesnt matter because its only tax payers money anyway and if the taxpayers dont care then i dont either"
"Is this solution somewhat irresponsible ?"
"Yes it is very irresponsible especially due to the fact that this solution does not include any mechanisms to correct irresponsible banking behaviour nor does it include any mechanisms to stop that money going into the pockets of greedy wankers i mean bankers.It was more a case of being seen to be doing something rather than offering the taxpayer any protection against the money being wasted and after all we are the government and if we are seen to be offering sound solutions rather than wasting vast amounts of money the public will loose confidence in us and the political system as a whole.The truth is we waiited and dithered and waited and dithered and then waited some more and dithered again until there was no time left to act ".
"Why the delay in response when this scenario has been widely predicted by financial analysts everywhere ?".
"We wanted to wait until the very last minute so that the public could see that we are not scared of making bold and adventurous solutions that waste vast amounts of tax payers money ,that we are not too scared to act in a crisis.In short we let the situation and immoral banking practices create a crisis so that we can be seen to act boldly in a crisis.Its also important to remember that myself and Gordon stayed up until 5am and we are very very tired !"
"Will this be the shot in the arm that is needed by the banking institutions ? or will it be snorted up the noses of banking bosses ?"
"We estimate that a certain amount of the capital loaned by the government will inevitably end up as a shortfall between net results and performance related pay but the facts of the matter are that bills for cocaine do have to be paid and dealers are not generally known for their patience and if those bills are not met then the entire banking system is at risk and we will see a slowdown in banking performance.Taking huge risks is the nature of the banking industry and without risk taking there is no risk involved and we cannot be seen to not take risks when there is a huge risk involved and if there was no risk then we wouldnnt be taking a risk and if there were no risks to be taken then no one would take them.....Further to that we need to get the banks lending again and extending credit to customers so that they inturn can be ripped off and the banking industry can get back on its feet again and if it isnt successful then we will sit back and let them fail and collapse and then seize them at a fraction of the cost and then nationalise them.
Posted by Peter Wolf at 04:25