GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrr..... In a bit of a foul mood this evening along with a headache.I wouldnt call it inner rage but i am not in the mood for being messed with like i have been today by certain individuals who will insist on taking liberties.Its a good job i have patience and self control otherwise i might go too far.I really dont like being pushed as it takes a great deal of self control,a huge amount in fact.It takes years and years of exercising self control to be able to do it.I simply have to do it for my own good as well as everyone elses .
What is it with these people and their selfish and contemptious [fuck it i dont give a toss about spelling mistakes] behaviour and transferance of their personal baggage and pent up frustration onto me as if i am just supposed to soak it up like its alright ? Selfish stupid idiots.Blind to their own inadequacies and selfishness as if they cant sort it out for themselves so they transfer it onto you as if thats going to make their problems go away ? Pathetic. Sort it out yourself and face facts and take action.I dont mind listening if they want to act like an adult but i cant deal with childish behaviour from adults who should know better.I dont even mind them sounding off and having a rant about it but i *will not* tolerate this transference bullshit where they attack me verbally for no good reason.If they do that and dont stop or go too far i will give them a fucking piece of my mind they will never forget.
Its my old friend "Familiarity breeds contempt " again.I am quite easy going and amenable generally but some types choose to exploit that and i am *fed up* with it and i am *fed up* with having to put them in their place like i am dealing bloody children for crying out fucking loud!.I am beginning to wonder why i know certain people in the first place.I am sorry but i am used to certain standards of behaviour that are what i would call normal for christ sake.I can be the worst example of behaviour that can be unacceptable but unlike some people i have grown up know + how to behave unlike others who seem to be emotionally retarded.Its as if they stopped maturing emotionally when they were 18.I wouldnt take these people anywhere or introduce them to anyone as they are a fucking embarresment in a social sense.
If only these people had the ability to see themselves from the outside for a change to perhaps shock them out of the behavoural pattern that they are stuck in.They need to be filmed and made to watch themselves all over again. "This is you being naughty again !".
A lot of these people cant even introduce themselves properly .Regarding my own behavour i lost it a bit earlier this year publically on a messageboard and went too far but it was an isolated incident.There was a reason for it having happened but i am not going to say what it was except "Kids :Dont take drugs ! ".At least those beginning with E and K .They dont suit my temperament at all anyway.I need sedatives not stimulants.I dont really have a dark side as such but i am sort of wild inside and it never goes away.Its always always there and is just something in the blood.It sounds like i am making it up but i am not.
I was forced to raise my voice today which i hate doing.
Its like you have to sort of give them a time spent being "In Disgrace' like a child has to treated.
They always come back later and apologise as it is they who are in the wrong.
"Thats alright" I say as i forgive them for the 50th time.Not to worry though it will happen again sooner or later in which case i have to go through it all again and so the cycle continues.Just like day follows night.
I would classify these people as Emotionally Retarded/learning/behaviour difficulties.A bit worrying if they are 45 years of age.I dont think much can be done with these people at that age.
For fucks sake i was *the* worst behaved child and a parents worst nightmare but i snapped out of it by the age of 15 or so as i just thought to myself "This is stupid".I wasnt badly behaved in the home particularly but school was a problem shall we say.It wasnt like i didnt know what i was doing.I just didnt like school and teachers and the way i was treated with disrespect by awful people that i didnt like.I would go as far as saying that i was physically abused as in beaten by teachers particularly sports Teachers.Hanging from the wallbars at a height while being slippered.Abuse not to mention some of them who i strongly suspect were verging on Paedophilia.Dirty horrible creeps getting a cheap thrill at my expense.Not the sort of people i would leave with children.
So it became a battle of wills.Me against the school and authority so i raised hell whenever i could and didnt alwaays get away with it but took my punishment as beating me didnt change a thing.It just made me stronger.
Hit me again see if i care.
[I didnt get a taste for sadomasochism though]
I will stress that these people are a minority in my life but there are millions of them out there.