Today is the first day i have felt "normal" since last friday which is about a week ago.It just came out of nowhere although it may have been the time of the year.to think that i lived with that for 3 years a long time ago is unbelievable really.when it was at its worst a long time ago when i thought it couldnt get worse i could feel myself on that downward spiral sliding down it.I dont subscribe to medication or whatever as i dont take pharmaceuticals under any circumstances.that serious bout of depression was a one off anyway as i had never ever been depressed before that or since until this last week.
Last night i slept for 17 hours in total.My record is 23 hours.Yesterday i went to work but that doesnt always help because the work is not challenging in the least so there is nothing to think about except my own thoughts so i end up thinking the wrong things and get even more depressed than i was before.today i woke up and feel fine as if nothing was wrong but i am not going to work as i dont want to rock the boat at all.I am going to stay at home and be creative instead.Thats apart from going up on a friends roof to fix a leak.That should only take an hour.This evening i am going to go out for a drink at the Ram Inn at Firle just to get out for a bit.They have a beer garden that is alright.
Depression kills off any writing i wanted to do but doesnt kill off drawing luckily.
My father ever the sympathetic type says "Dont worry son ,all the best people get depression"Not sure what that is supposed to mean but thats what i was told anyway.
Its alright for them they spend most of their time abroad somewhere.Theres not much to be depressed about if you can do that and go anywhere you want anytime.They go away somewhere then come back for a week or 2 then they need a break and go away again.Well i am stuck here and can only dream of going back to New guinea which is what i did this morning funny enough except its never the same in a dream.Its always different and a bit weird in some way yet i always know its New Guinea.